The Peace Corps Way of Laughing

Recently I've been writing a lot - not for you, of course, but for other people, like my bosses - and this means I've also done a lot of reading.  I've happened upon some really great stuff, most of it found in a book, which, like most good books, perhaps, was found tucked away surreptitiously in a primary school library in Fiji.  I, of course, immediately requisitioned said book and began to find jewels, some of which are recreated here for your amusement, and so I can comment briefly on how they relate to my life in the village in Fiji.

First we have Josh Billings, I would have posted all of what he has to say on various insects, but that would have taken you a while to read, so I'll settle for one near and dear to my heart:

Look for "The Complete Works of Josh Billings, (Henry W. Shaw)"

BED BUGS.

I never see ennybody yet but what despised Bed Bugs. They are the meanest ov aul crawling, creeping, hopping, or biteing things.  They dassent tackle a man bi dalite, but sneak in, after dark, and chaw him while he iz fast asleep.

 

A musketo will fight you in broad dalite, at short range, and giv you a chance tew knock in hiz sides—the flea iz a game bugg, and will make a dash at you even in Broadway—but the bed-bugg iz a garroter, who waits till you strip, and then picks out a mellow place tew eat you.  If i was ever in the habit ov swearing, i wouldn’t hesitate to damn a bed bugg right tew hiz face.

Bed bugs are uncommon smart in a small way; one pair ov them will stock a hair mattrass in 2 weeks, with bugs enuff tew last a small family a whole year.  It don’t do enny good to pray when bed bugs are in season; the only way tew git rid ov them iz tew bile up the whole bed in aqua fortis, and then heave it away and buy a new one.  

Bed buggs, when they hav grone aul they intend to, are about the size ov a bluejay’s eye, and hav a brown complexion, and when they start out to garrote are az thin az a grease spot, but when they git thru garroting they are swelled up like a blister.  It takes them 3 days tew git the swelling out ov them.  

If bed buggs have enny destiny to fill, it must be their stummuks; but it seems tew me that they must hav bin made by acksident, jist az slivvers are, tew stick into sumboddy.  If they waz got up for sum wise purpose, they must hav took the wrong road, for there kant be enny wisdum in chawing a man aul night long, and raising a family, besides, tew foller the same trade.  If there iz sum wisdum in aul this, I hope the bed buggs will chaw them folks who kan see it, and leave me be, bekause i am one ov the hereticks.

If you know much about my life in Fiji, you will know that arthropods are a constant annoyance.  Mr. Billings says, "As for me, there is only one piece (thus far) of vital creation, that I actually hate, and that is a bed bug.  I simply despise snakes, fear mosquitoes, avoid fleas, and don't associate with the cockroach, go around toads, back out square for a hornet."  Bed bugs, as they exist for me, are the sliest of creatures, keeping me up all night and when I turn on the light to exterminate them - disappearing completely.  Luckily sunning your mattress works wonders on bed bugs, or maybe they're just hibernating.

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The next work I'd like to bring your attention to, printed in the same marvelous anthology, is an essay by one of my favorite humorists, James Thurber.  I actually wrote a really bad report on Thurber when I was in high school.  That hasn't dampened my enthusiasm for him.  I write really bad reports on all sorts of great subjects!

The Rabbits Who Caused All the Trouble

Thurber was also a marvelous illustrator, and nearly blind at the end of his life.  This is from the original which I believe was in a book called Fables for Our Times, but I could be wrong.

Within the memory of the youngest child there was a family of rabbits who lived near a pack of wolves. The wolves announced that they did not like the way the rabbits were living. (The wolves were crazy about the way they themselves were living, because it was the only way to live.) One night several wolves were killed in an earthquake and this was blamed on the rabbits, for it is well known that rabbits pound on the ground with their hind legs and cause earthquakes. On another night one of the wolves was killed by a bolt of lightning and this was also blamed on the rabbits, for it is well known that lettuce-eaters cause lightning. The wolves threatened to civilize the rabbits if they didn't behave, and the rabbits decided to run away to a desert island. But the other animals, who lived at a great distance, shamed them saying, "You must stay where you are and be brave. This is no world for escapists. If the wolves attack you, we will come to your aid in all probability." So the rabbits continued to live near the wolves and one day there was a terrible flood which drowned a great many wolves. This was blamed on the rabbits, for it is well known that carrot-nibblers with long ears cause floods. The wolves descended on the rabbits, for their own good, and imprisoned them in a dark cave, for their own protection.

When nothing was heard about the rabbits for some weeks, the other animals demanded to know what had happened to them. The wolves replied that the rabbits had been eaten and since they had been eaten the affair was a purely internal matter. But the other animals warned that they might possibly unite against the wolves unless some reason was given for the destruction of the rabbits. So the wolves gave them one. "They were trying to escape," said the wolves, "and, as you know, this is no world for escapists."

Moral: Run, don't walk, to the nearest desert island.

Does this even need an explanation?  Of course you should be an escapist, and of course you need to get to a desert island.  Actually - someone recently told me:  It's all about your necessary resources and your time frame.  What do you actually need?  And if you actually need to get to a desert island, you should.

And on that note:  a crappy picture of a newspaper clipping my mom sent me a while back.  You'll recognize it as being from Mother Goose and Grimm.